Twenty-Second Memory

Never have recalled such a sweet moment from a dream as I did with the memory of our kiss. I don't know your name- nor can I recall, for certain, your face. But the second our lips touched, I knew I'd never forget you.

I woke up this morning, scouring my memory banks of all potential pasts for such a recollection and while there were a few front-running candidates, I can't help but to feel that I have yet to meet this person or perhaps the friendship is newly starting. New, very new.

Its profound for me as I haven't been remembering any dreams for quite some time. And to be awake before the sun, smiling at the mere "thought" of that exchange being real- if only for its 20-second memory- has put me in a suspended state and I'm now writing about it. Somewhat unexpected, this kiss, as not in any recent history had there been any allusion to an attraction. Really, more a shying away, for fear of the opposite reaction at any hint of me being pulled to her.

I understand that I hold this fear of rejection tight against my heart. I also understand that through this, my heart hasn't necessarily been protected, but rather starved and malnourished.

And what that has left me with is a playground of broken down souls and a wondering (pondering) that I have been through and down before, a spiraling of self doubt, criticism and wasted energy. I would spin myself into a mad frenzy of figuring and analyzing until, with exhaustion, I break free from the mental chains only to realize that my "heart" was right all along. My heart didn't scream loud enough. My mind kept incessantly arguing and justifying my behavior or simply denouncing it as childish. But really, these were failures of me not listening to "myself"- my true heart's self- but rather the monkey-mind that is constantly programmed by useless information.

But what does this all have to do with that "kiss" only yet experienced in my own mind?!?! Quite simply, I believe I have only now realized what frees my mind to really free my dreams. That is listening 100%- without question- to my heart and going where it feels drawn- not demanded or expected. This is an opening to my all things possible.

Peace.
Angie